Could you be Horatio Caine, the MAN MEGA?

Everyone knows the coolest person ever isn't The Fonz, it's CSI: Miami's Horatio Caine. He's well skill and could freeze hell with a wry half-smile and deftly timed quip. But how do you measure up next to the Ginger God of Cool™? Let's find out!

Do you habitually look away from your addressee while you speak, and only look back when you reach the last two words of your monologue?

Do you use cheesier-than-Hasselhoff one liners?

Do you refuse to turn the light on at a crime scene, even if it's in an underground bunker in the dead of a particularly cloudy night, and insist on donning your sunglasses and a Maglite instead?

In fact, are you totally obsessed with your sunglasses, dude?

Do you have milky-white skin despite being residing in Florida, one of the sunniest places in the world?

When motionless, do you stand with your hands on your hips, leaning slightly forwards, as a way of underscoring your authority and looking really hard?

Do you run like a girl you big jessie?

Do you have a burning and all consuming but secret hatred of casual dress, and prefer instead the tieless suit approach to couture as it hides your obviously skeletal form?

Have you ever done anything wrong in your life?

What, never? Not even looked at a jazz mag before you were 18?

Come onnnnnn! Really?

Does your face have more wrinkles than a pensioner's arsehole?

If there are several billion bits of debris at a crime scene, do you prompt your team to investigate the most insignificant one further, knowing for sure that it will result in a criminal being banged up?

Do you take assurance from the fact that you're ALWAYS right, even if there's a likelihood of initially facing extreme ridicule?

Do you seldom smile or reveal anything that might indicate you are a human with real human emotions, apart from the occasional sad glance at women you've "allowed yourself to become close to"?

Do you have an immunity to your irritatingly smug blonde co-worker with a voice more annoying than a tourette's stricken mosquito singing along with a detuned radio whilst strapped to a tiny moped screeching across a terminally fucked fridge?

Do you think you are, like, totally cool? Like a ginger version of that bloke from Miami Vice?

Do you fancy your dead brother's missus?

Do you have access to some bizarre, over-designed computer programs that can replicate and solve virtually any crime using 3D wireframe graphics, and gloss over some major holes in episode plotlines?

At the end of every episode, do you make sure there's a slo-mo scene of you putting your sunglasses on and staring into the blurred middle distance, contemplating the wrong you've just righted, the dark undercurrents of humanity, how you're people's saviour, and although you've got a long way to go, you're really starting to make a difference?

Are you the MAN MEGA?